CONANDO!

Conando

This pale white demon is the scourge of the Southern underworld. They say that for every freckle upon his body, a man has lost his life. Conando is a fierce opponent in battle, using such deadly techniques as throwing a man out of a window; throwing two men out of a window… and using a body double for any other fighting or physical activity. His trademark attire consists of a white leather jacket, bolo tie, and a horrible horrible fake mustache that falls off faster then the clothes of the women he saves.

No one knows where Conando comes from. His early life is as much a mystery as the reason why his opponents attack him one at a time. The rumor of Conando’s birth is whispered across flickering campfires and upon the lips of the dead and dying. Some say that Charles Bronson, Chuck Norris, and Bruce Lee all fell in love and had a baby – and that baby was Conando. Others say that it’s biologically impossible for three men to make a baby, and that those first people are really stupid. Still others say that The Devil combined the blood of the greatest fighters who ever lived, sprinkled it onto a fake mustache, and placed it upon the upper lip of an infant Conando. Although, that story is not just dumb, but completely insane. I mean seriously. A bloody mustache? That’s gross.

Whatever the case, Conando is here, and here to stay. So villains beware: Conando is watching. Conando is waiting. And Conando knows… that there is a window nearby.